There’s an old line about bottled water being twice as expensive as petrol per litre, which is true when purchased in small quantities.

This month it was revealed that milk in the UK is now cheaper to buy than bottled water thanks to a fierce supermarket war.

The price per litre of milk, when bought in a four-pint bottle, has dipped to 43p, compared to 44p for bottled still water.

Keep that number in mind the next time you wander into a golf pro shop in search of mineral water.

Because that’s exactly what I did over several balmy weeks when my Wimbledon golf course was closed and transformed into Britain’s most expensive car park while the country endured the hottest month on record.

As the mercury clocked 36.7C, roads melted, train tracks buckled and weather map turned a rainbow hue of very hot reds and purples … I stepped out to play golf in Surrey.

And with every sun-splattered course played, I discovered new heights of ridiculousness when it came to the price of staying hydrated.

You could be forgiven for labeling me a shrewd or thrifty shopper, but alas no.

Being ripped off for a bottle of bog standard water nudges just above that nasty flop shot over a greenside bunker on my personal aversion scale.

On a day when temperatures were set to exceed the legal limit for transporting cattle, I found myself handing over a crisp fiver to a club pro for two chilled bottles – sans change.

By the second week as bottled water prices rose with the mercury, concerns were growing amongst my playing partners about my H20-anxious frame of mind.

It wasn’t so much that the coyotes had come a howling, more that I had abandoned all rational thought and resorted to filling up bottles with tap water.

Who wants to purchase a club’s own label bottled water sourced from some exotic location off the coast of Tasmania?

I don’t care for the purest, freshest, cleanest water in the world guaranteed to make me lose weight, reduce stress and improve skin tone.

It’s easy to decry the cost of mineral water with a voice of condescension, but all I am after is something that will quench my thirst and not empty my pocket.

Just don’t get me started on the lamentable prices for a jug of Pimms in Surrey.