Augusta National Application
Dear Membership Secretary,
RE: APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP TO AUGUSTA NATIONAL GOLF CLUB
Like the rest of the female swinging population you can imagine my delight on learning that after 80 years of exclusion, gals are finally welcome on golf’s most hallowed turf.
Admittedly, it’s only two of America’s finest afforded membership thus far, but I get that some exclusive clubs are in no rush to embrace the 21st century.
It occurred to me on hearing this ‘joyous’ news, particularly at a time when women represent the fastest growing segment in golf, that I should make a personal bid for the third green ladies jacket.
It’s not that I’m hitching my wagon to Condoleezza’s horse you’ll understand, but with a strong nerve, delicate manner and regular folk spirit, I would suggest that I too am qualified for membership at Augusta National.
Now I don’t know much about Darla Moore, but if the delightful Condi’s focus on democracy in the Middle East was anything to go by, I bet she’s also a smoking gun around the greens.
I may not possess the nuclear capabilities of her CV or the velvet-gloved diplomacy required of a ‘Warrior Princess’, but make no mistake, I am unflappable in the face of a Salman Rushdie*.
Admittedly my CV bears the stain of Murdoch and bank balance the strain of annual subs, but put me head to head on the first tee with Hootie or any of those relics from the old boys’ network and watch for cracks in the grass ceiling.
In conclusion, have you ever been somewhere so mind-blowingly beautiful that you’d happily chuck it all in just to be able to say: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be at my golf club … Augusta National.”
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours in anticipation,
* Putt that is impossible to read.